Be Jesus For Me

I’ve heard the countless stories. I’ve seen person after person walk onto stage at church and give testimony after testimony. Sometimes the story comes from someone close to me, sometimes from an acquaintance, and sometimes from someone I do not know, but each time the stories astound. God is up to something.

A couple strides on stage, their gaze is down, the mood is somber, but for some reason their shoulders are held back, confident, almost defiant. Although this couple just lost their oldest son to a tragic accident, they talk, yes in hushed tones, but they talk of the love of Jesus, of the strength he affords them as they face this incredibly difficult time. Jesus is with them, because of Jesus they can face tomorrow…
And I wonder…will Jesus be Jesus for me?

A group of men and women, of all ages and backgrounds climb upon the stage and in succession take turns telling the church what addictions they are facing and struggling against. Drugs, alcohol, depression, anger…I am blown away. The honesty with which each person is able to not only face these problems but to share with others is truly inspiring. They can face tomorrow because of Jesus. Jesus gives them the ability to face their struggles head on, knowing that they may lose some battles, but ultimately the war is already won because of Jesus.
And I wonder…will Jesus be Jesus for me?

A teenage girl, walks onstage with her parents. She does not speak, she is too nervous to, but she stands, side by side with her parents as the pastor describes the situation. The teenage girl is pregnant and now as she stands on stage a smile comes across her face as the pastor and the church agree that her sin will not be counted against her. The church agrees to pray and surround not only the girl, but the boy and the parents as well. Jesus will see them through this. Jesus will guide and direct and will also forgive.
And I wonder…will Jesus be Jesus for me?

A woman with breast cancer healed. A man with something wrong on an x-ray of his chest and it turns out to be nothing. A baby who can’t hear, a baby supposed to be born without a brain, a child who might lose their eye because of an accident…all of them, young and old alike…healed…by Jesus the Healer.
And I wonder…will Jesus be Jesus for me?

It is easy for me to let Jesus be Jesus for others. Need strength, Jesus, need peace, Jesus, need comfort, Jesus, need healing, Jesus…if YOU need anything Jesus is the answer and I’ll be glad to tell you about Him…and yet for me I still seem to struggle with the question.
Jesus can be Jesus for everyone else, of this I am sure, but I long for Jesus to be my Jesus. I long for healing, I long for forgiveness, I long for peace, strength and everything else Jesus promises.

Now I know that I have received this and much more but I still continue to desire more. And not the more that most people think of when they think of “more”. I don’t desire more money…ok that’s not true, of course I want more money, who doesn’t but that’s not what I desire. I don’t want more material goods…again, sure a new car or Taylor guitar would be sweet, but it is not what keeps me up at night. I know Jesus is with me, I know he loves me and yet every night I go to bed asking Jesus for a deeper understanding, a greater desire to be like him, a better relationship with the one I claim to love.

I want Jesus to be my Jesus. I want Jesus to heal me. I want Jesus to speak to me and I want to actually hear and listen. I know it sounds strange and seems strange to me as I sit here and admit this…I mean God has worked in my life in amazing ways during my walk with Him and yet every night I plead and cry out to Him for more.

More blessing, more grace, more mercy.

Jesus, be my Jesus.

Jesus…please.

Be mine. Again. And forever.