this is something I wrote a while ago and someone asked about…so here it is for everyone.
OUR EXTRAORDINARY FASCINATION
I feel stretched.
I feel confused, frustrated, tired.
I want to give up, not forever, but for a while.
Will it really hurt? Will anyone even notice?
I have got the motions down. I have had them down for some time now. Others may look at me and see a “good” Christian man. They aren’t looking close enough, a common problem among all of us…let’s not look too closely so we can continue the illusion that everything is OK.
We serve a great God, he is great, I am great, you are great, hallelujah, praise the Lord, what’s for lunch?
I want more.
I want deeper.
I want to feel the love of God so much stronger than I do now. I want to know that what I am doing is what God wants me to do.
I want to hear the voice of God…not a feeling, not some verse that “speaks” to my heart…I want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has spoken…
To me…
And I heard…
And obeyed.
Is that even possible? If faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen…then doesn’t knowing something “beyond a shadow of a doubt” stand in direct conflict with faith?
I don’t know for sure.
I do feel something is missing.
Something .
In me.
In you.
In us.
Raising our hands in praise doesn’t do it. Giving money doesn’t do it.
Reading our Bibles, praying in tongues, being a part of a small group doesn’t do it either.
Oh that we would know you more Jesus. That you would be our burning desire, our passion, our extraordinary fascination. Then, and only then, will we raise holy hands in praise with true intentions. Then would we give cheerfully in your name. Then would we read and pray and live for you like we mean it.
Jesus.
You know me.
I want to know you more…and more.
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